Dear Doula, Whose Birth Is This Anyway?

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Dear Doula,
I'm 4 months pregnant and my housing situation feels like a mess. I'm living with family members who do not give me space and aren't supportive of the non-medical birth I want. I would have had a home birth if I had my own home.

What can I do to make sure my birth is still mine and not theirs (and get some peace from their opinions)?

Whose Birth Is This Anyway?

Dear Whose Birth Is This Anyway,
This sounds like a hard situation and it’s great that you want the best situation for your new addition. It is important to know and understand what support looks like to you so that you can articulate that to the people in your life.  Remember first and foremost that it is your birth, no one else can bring forth that baby. Having said that it is also important to remember that opinions will come from the four corners of the earth and that for the most part people mean the best when they are sharing. Though you cannot stop your family from sharing you can invite them to be a part of your process in ways that make sense to you.

If Aunt Mary always talks about how messy you are, then call her up and say, "Hey Auntie, I could really use your help organizing the stuff in my room for when the baby comes, you are so good at those things." If your mom is concerned about the place you are giving birth invite her on a tour and have her ask all the questions she wants, to them, this way she gets some of it out of her system.

Remember people need a purpose. If they feel that they are helping you then find a purpose for them utilizing their skills and minimizing your stress.  

Your birth is your own, regardless of where you birth. You can always say no or not now. Bring purpose to your words and actions with those in your life at this time.

Patricia Thomas, Doula, Trainer, Childbirth Educator, and School Counselor is passionate about all things birth, parenting, and development. She holds a Masters in Human Development, is a Certified Lactation Counselor, Officiant, Mediator, and mother. // instagram // facebook // website

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